Soap is not a condiment
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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