They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
