Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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