I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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