No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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