people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
