The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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