Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
