Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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