Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
