where am i from again
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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