I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
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