Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
