if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
