He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
