i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
