I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
