The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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