Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
