Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
