I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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