Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
