you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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