sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
