What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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