Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
His hands were made for my vagina.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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