do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
