Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
