Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
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And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
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Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
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