My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Randomize
