Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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