like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
