We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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