But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.