you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize