Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
