You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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