Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
