i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
