Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
