That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
