Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
