Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I touched a dick in church today
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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