i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
