Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
