apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I have aggressive nipples.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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