I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Randomize
