No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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