Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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