she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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