First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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