She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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