two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
