I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize