hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
