Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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