Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
