that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
