my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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