Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
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I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
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his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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