Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
NoShamevember. You game?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
