after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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