im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
