My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
