I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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